I started taking stock of my belongings today. My mate and I are having another conversation about our continued arrangement. Her previous lover has always held an attraction to her because of her accident. She went into a coma while with her previous mate and ended up meeting me. Now, this is in the very least, a unfair situation. I'm as understanding as one can be. But you really have to stop and wonder if the universe is trying to be a dick or if it just really doesn't get humor.  Or at least I don't get its humor. Besides the point, really. I ended up not having the most desirable position on this. She still wants to cling to her old life, to hang on to any resemblance that may contain memories. The accident caused severe brain trauma, leaving at least 2 years of her life missing. I can not ever dream of being able to understand what this must do to a person. The idea of losing such precious data as your friends and family is one of my ideas of hell. To meet people that say your different then what you were must be the most strangest experiences someone can endure. So very intangible, The flicker of consciousness. A flame that flutters at the most softest breeze. Seeing pictures that you know that should spark recognition, but only bring confusion. The saddest fate that can befall a person is to be alone in the universe. Damnable as it is, our existence contains a sadness that screams out, Hold me. Love me. Protect me. Hate me. I have nothing but empathy for her. I endure depression, not quite as terrible as it used to be. I'd wake up in the morning, And seriously consider if I jumping would be fatal. I'd go through days cursing the ones who put bars as a creative feature on the school windows. Teachers would look at me with a mixture of fear and concern. I eventually learned that showing them my morbid poetry was a ticket to the school counselor. Many a fun session that was. Anyways, I met her on this furry personals site. And let me state at the moment, I WILL censor anyone with a negative comment about furs. Don't like furs? Then go to a site catering to your world view. This is my world view and I control everything in it. She had just got out of a coma, was bored and noticed my name on it. She messaged me and boom. Later she found out she had a boyfriend, and ever since she's been guilt ridden. She has periods where she can't decide if she wants to stay with me or if she wants to go back to him. Which sucks enormously. I mean, I try to be compassionate. I really do try to understand but damn does it irritate me. I apologize for going offtrack about this but I wanted to vent.

I got a wireless router from ebay, mainly because I'm too lazy to figure out driver support for linux. Remember ghostbusters? You know how when they turn on their proton packs it make a really high pitched sound? Ummm yea. When I plugged this thing in, same thing. I mean, almost EXACTLY the same sound. All I could think of is, OMG, Slimer is going to pop out! :p That and I think I killed it. I opened it up and it looked brown around the power supply connections. *Shrugs* It has a wireless card in it, I'll try taking that out and using it on my laptop.